Part 2 of the DOSE series — the four brain chemicals that decide how alive you feel.
Here's a thing nobody warns you about when you start working for yourself.
You finally get the freedom. No commute, no meetings you didn't need, no one hovering. You can work in sweatpants from your kitchen table. It's the dream you built on purpose.
And about eight months in, you notice you feel weirdly flat. Not depressed. Not overworked, even. Just... low. Less resilient than you used to be. Little setbacks hit harder than they should.
You'll blame a hundred things — the algorithm, your offer, your discipline. But often the actual answer is embarrassingly simple:
You haven't had a real conversation with another human in four days.
What oxytocin actually does
Oxytocin is the bond. Connection, trust, safety, belonging.
It's the chemical of being with people — a real conversation, a hug that lasts a second longer than necessary, laughing with someone in the same room, a hand on your shoulder when things are hard. It lowers stress and gives you that settled, safe, "I'm okay" feeling.
And it's the one modern life quietly strips out. Especially if you work alone, work online, or moved somewhere new. We replaced a lot of genuine connection with the appearance of connection — likes, comments, group chats — and then wondered why we still feel lonely with 4,000 followers.
Signs your oxytocin is running low
- You feel lonely even when you're busy or "connected" online
- Small stresses feel bigger than they should
- You're more irritable, or more sensitive to criticism
- You've started avoiding social things you'd normally enjoy
- You feel vaguely disconnected from people you genuinely love
Think back to 2020, when so many of us were cut off from everyone at once. Loneliness, anxiety, and low mood went through the roof — a mass oxytocin drought, in real time. It's a good reminder that connection isn't a luxury or a soft skill. It's fuel.
Fuel it: what supports oxytocin
Your brain needs raw materials for this one too — and the food side of oxytocin has a lovely quirk to it.
What helps: omega-3s from salmon, sardines, walnuts, chia and flax. Vitamin C and magnesium-rich foods. Fermented foods that support your gut.
And then the underrated one: food eaten with people. Sharing a meal is one of the most reliable oxytocin triggers humans have. The nutrients matter — but so does who's at the table. Eating something good, with someone you like, does double duty.
Then bake it: what actually raises oxytocin
Have one real conversation. Not a text thread. Voice, face, or in person. Ten minutes of actual back-and-forth beats a day of messaging.
Touch someone. A hug held a beat longer. A hand on an arm. If you live alone — pets absolutely count, and the research is on your side here.
Do one small kind thing for someone. Generosity triggers this in the giver, not just the receiver. It's why doing a favor lifts your mood more than doing something for yourself.
Cook for someone, or eat with someone. See above. Cheapest, most effective double-hit available.
Be around people, even without talking. Work from a coffee shop. Take a class. Go to the gym instead of the living room. Ambient humans do more than you'd think.
The beach walk that hit three chemicals at once
When my energy was in the basement, the advice I got wasn't a supplement or a system.
It was: walk on the beach every day when the sun is strongest — holding hands with my husband.
I remember thinking, that's it? That's not a treatment, that's a nice afternoon.
But look at what's in it. Sunlight for serotonin. Movement for endorphins. And holding someone's hand — actual physical connection with a person I love — for oxytocin. Three chemicals in one walk.
It worked. And it worked because it wasn't a productivity strategy. It was connection, on purpose, every day.
Try this today: have one real conversation
Text isn't going to cut it. Call one person you like. Or better — go be in a room with them.
If that feels like a lot, start smaller: work somewhere with other humans in it today, and hug someone (or something) for five extra seconds.
You're not antisocial. You're not too busy. You're just running low on the one chemical you can't manufacture alone.
Oxytocin is one of four chemicals running your motivation — and refueling is only the first step. My book Hard Mode covers the whole system: why you're running on empty, how to refuel, and how to build a life that actually pulls you forward. Learn more →
About the Author:
Julie Lewis
Nutrition Coach | Gamification Expert | Online Business Strategist | Tech Explorer
Julie helps solopreneurs turn grind into flow — building momentum in life and business using the science of engagement. [More about the FROG method →]
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